


Guardians of the Coffee Shop

by dapatty, Sunquistadora



Series: Coffee Shop AU [5]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2187339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunquistadora/pseuds/Sunquistadora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That time the Guardians of the Galaxy showed up at the coffee shop Stiles worked at. No really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guardians of the Coffee Shop

**Author's Note:**

> Party favor for pod_together.
> 
> No previous knowledge of the verse is needed for this collab.

 

Cover by dapatty

[MP3](http://sunquistadora.parakaproductions.com/GuardiansoftheCoffeeShop.mp3) | [M4B](http://sunquistadora.parakaproductions.com/GuardiansoftheCoffeeShop.m4b)

The dude that walked in to the shop looked like he was dressed up for Halloween complete with a leather duster and pistol on his hip. Before Stiles could even say anything, the cosplayer stopped in the middle of the cafe. Just standing there, in the middle of the coffee shop pointing at the ceiling asking Stiles, "What song is this?"

Was this guy for real? Has he been living under a rock? Was he simply trying to be a doucebag and about to dish on Hanson? What’s this dude’s deal? Like really. Because that gun kinda actually looked real now that Stiles was giving it a long look.

"Is there a California Browncoats meeting that I forgot about or something, because seriously?" Stiles finally asked because why not.

"Browncoats?" Dude actually looked puzzled. "My coat is brown and I’m not sure where you're going with this. Is that a pop culture thing I’ve missed in the last 20 years? But dude, _seriously_. What song is this? It's awesome."

And Stiles couldn't quite figure out if that was genuine sincerity or was this dude fucking with him. Because Captain Tightpants here looked like he should have learned this shit in middle school with the rest of his generation.

"Hanson," Stiles said, squinting at him, feeling the corner of his eye twitch. Between finals and smart asses he honestly didn’t know how he had any patience left. " _Where's the Love?_ is the song, if you must know."

"It's cool. Totally better that that weird ‘New Wave’ stuff Stark was playing earlier." The guy made finger quotes and bobbed his head with the beat. Dude's got a freakin' walkman on his hip. What was this guy? How was this guy?

"Of course you know Tony," Stiles sighed because that kind of explained it. "What are you some sort of spaceman/space alien person?"

"How'd you know?" The dude stopped dancing looking impressed. "Half alien, actually. Well, it's not technically alien because I've been to my dad's planet and everything but semantics. Hey, I'm Starlord." He reached out his hand to shake across the counter.

"Starlord? Really?" Stiles scoffed.

"What, like you have a better name?" The dude, _Starlord_ , scowled.

"Yeah. Stiles," he answered and shook this alleged Starlord’s hand.

"What is a Stiles?" A new, clearly alien dude--if the gray skin and red tattoos meant anything-- asked, entering the shop. And dude wasn’t wearing a shirt because holy crap that was a lot of tattoos or possibly just skin pattern dude had. Intimidating, shirtless, muscled dude with a freakin’ raccoon trailing behind him. A raccoon that was walking on hind-legs with what might actually be an Ent ambling behind it.

"The fuck," Stiles said and gaped. "Damnit, this is gonna be like the dragons all over again." Stiles scrubbed a hand over his face. Fantastic. There went his quite evening gone in a future cloud of smoke and the destruction of his workplace. Maybe Tony would build it back?

"Dragons? You mean we missed dragons? We always miss everything cool," the raccoon muttered and holy fuck was that a very large gun. Or was that a rocket launcher. Seriously, what. The. Fuck.

"I are Groot," the tree said and it sounded like it said, "Sometimes it is completely okay not to have any fun. I keep both my branches that way."

"Hey, they grow back," the raccoon said in response to the tree and Stiles.

Well, Stiles was just SO DONE with today. So. Done. The most done ever.

And then a green lady walked in with her arm slung over Natasha and Bucky. Then Stiles realized that no. This was the tipping point. He was _totally_ done now. Totally. Especially since Bucky was flipping the sign to closed.

Seriously, what was his life!?

“Let me guess,” Stiles said and sighed deeply. “I bet you all want coffee.”

“I am Groot,” the tree, Groot apparently said.

“And pastries,” Stiles nodded. “Got it. I’ll just put on a fresh pot.”

And that’s how Stiles lost a whole weekend dealing with the alleged Guardians of the Galaxy.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes from Dapatty: Sunquistadora continues to be amazing beyond ALL MEASURE. Seriously. The Stiles voice they create is the BEST and just thank you bb. Thank you for being SO GAME. *all the hugging forever*
> 
> Notes from Sunquistadora: Ha! So this spun out of emails about the other party favor we were working on and Dapatty just exploded with awesome because she is more awesome than one person can contain and made this happen so I get to keep playing in her coffeeshop! <3 <3 <3


End file.
